❤
"My favourite thing
is to go where
I've never been."
- Diane Arbus
❤
i know i can probably ask everybody i know for their opinion, but i also know that ultimately i'm the one who has to decide and make a choice, that ultimately i'm the one deciding what course of action to take.
i would like to say fuck it, and go live my life well and paint new pretty colors on my nails every week, but i do a lousy job at deceiving myself. hell, i never like to deny what i genuinely feel, and i almost always do a pretty bad job at concealing my feelings. maybe that's why i can never be a good hypocrite like, whoever, but that's another story.
this matter has been talked to death, and died a thousand times over; and if i weren't me, i would look at me and say, why don't you snap out of it already and move on? talking to friends really help, and i thank you guys who have been hearing me rant on the phone (you know who you are), but i also know that i'm the one having to deal with this, that i'm the one facing this and i have to decide what i want now, or at least soon enough.
because i swear i'll go crazy if this continues weighing on my mind, it's either do and die (maybe), or don't and let time do its thing. it's crazy because this has also been thought to death, and there are at least ten different options and endings that spring out every time.
i won't deny what i'm feeling, and maybe i might (at long last) decide to go do something about it (or maybe not), but that's not to say in the mean time i won't live my life well and paint new pretty colors on my nails every week, because i won't let anyone affect me like that (:
meanwhile, check this out, i thought it was really funny!
...
a wild flower dies
where it blooms
so let me be
a wild flower
its death shall be
the fading of beauty
-suchoon mo