flowers in the attic

Saturday, January 20, 2007

some people choose to filter out bits of their memories, so that only the good ones remain.

me, i block out entire chunks of them.

i'm too tired to try to figure out what happened. i'm too tired, emotionally and mentally. it still amuses me dryly how i got myself out of that situation and right smack in to this one; both leaving me with the same bitter aftertaste, in that same waking-up-is-the-hardest-part state.

you finally chose to put out the fire. you finally chose to, against my will. or at least, i felt it wasn't time yet. because i know the fire will go out sooner, or later; i just didn't know it would be this soon.

i'm tired. i know i should talk to you about it, find out exactly what is happening, what is going through your mind but, i'm tired. two similar situations back to back can be quite damn draining.

it's not that i act like everything is okay when i'm out with friends, like justin i relax in the presence of people. it's only when i'm alone and lost in thoughts, do these crappy feelings emerge in its entirety. if i choose not to talk about it, then i won't; it's not that i don't trust you, i just want it to remain locked up in a far corner in my memory. i'm private, that way.

and i know it's kind of cliche to have song lyrics in an entry, but dido's words speak what i feel for now,

And when we meet/ Which I'm sure we will
All that was then/ Will be there still
I'll let it pass/ And hold my tongue
And you will think/ That I've moved on

but unlike dido, i surrender, my white flag is up - i'm too tired, i give up.

but don't you worry, i won't remain like this, grace chen doesn't stay depressed for long. on a different note altogether, i just got my hair cut yesterday, and i <3 school!

❤ enhui, 6:04 PM 0 comments