flowers in the attic

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

okay, like, i'm glad for closure but if it means having to sort of go through it again, then screw it, seriously. so i cried the other night but i swear that will be the LAST ever freaking time, and the tears fell not even because there is still any remnants of anything at all, but because i'm in mourning. mourning for the loss of a friendship, mourning for something that could have been so much more, mourning because i really hate it when a friendship dies. mourning because i know things will and can never go back to the way it was. mourning because we were both restrained by so many fucking things. mourning because as short and quick as it was, it was still something quite special.

but i have moved on.

i have to move on.

although i know a tiny part of me will never really move on. but whatever. i just wish you well, cause i know i'm gonna live my life well.

aaaanyway, on another note altogether, was talking to A on msn the other day, and he so shocked me.

A says:
ok, i must first admit. I had a liking for you after i met you @ the club that night. But after you made me wait so long that day, i felt kinda cheated, after all it sounded like me begging u to come out with me treating u and stuff and you oversleeping. to be honest, i have heard some not so good stuff about you which made me cautious later on. But I would like to be present in my conversation with you so that i could judge that for myself and not judge from what other people told me. Anyway the liking has been long gone. and as u can see i found myself a gf and I am realli happy =). heaven seen u online for ages. So i am real happy. Too bad i gotta leave singapore soon or else i would have asked u out again.

man, i never saw that coming. and i'm way past people talking about "not so good stuff" behind my back already so i'm okay with that (i've realised long ago i can't make everybody happy, so if there's anybody, it's me whose gonna be happy, and i hate sucking up to people or being hypocritical). i'm just glad he actually made a point to be honest and upfront with me. i never liked him, i mean, what happens at the club stays at the club, and it's not like anything much even happened at the club. still, thank you for the honesty.

it's damn funny because back in secondary school my life was kinda mundane and stuff, and i'm like, why can't some drama happen in my life? i should have ate my words up then, man. drama ain't all that good, too much drama just makes life seem unreal anyway, and you get caught up and lost in the whole knots of events. and too much playing around ain't good, either. maybe grace chen has finally decided for a change. maybe.

❤ enhui, 11:32 PM