flowers in the attic

Sunday, April 01, 2007

i'm tired of having to explain myself, i'm sick of having to find the right words to express what i'm feeling and what i'm thinking. i want to run away just because i want to, i want to dance barefooted just because i like to, i want to go back to the comforts of my home just because i wish to.

i wish life was like a mime, just action, no talk, because talk is cheap; language is beautiful, English is beautiful, but words are cheap, talk is cheap. i can search deep into the recesses of the English language to find words to describe what i'm feeling and i can fail miserably. because language is inadequate, language is not adequate.

i can tell you everything in the entire world, and i tell you nothing.

we can sit on the swings all day, just you and me, with the wind whispering in our ears inaudible words, intangible phantoms of nature swirling around us, and we sit in silence all day, the swings creaking under our weight, just you and me, looking at the scars from all those years ago, and we don't have to talk, we understand each other completely, we understand each other more than if we ever talked, just you and me, on the swings all day.

i can tell you nothing in the entire world, and i tell you everything.

i wish to run away to the place where words are not words but lyrics hummed in a melody. every sound that pushes out from our lips is part of a song, every emotion represented in every pitch and every tone, there is no pretense that everything is okay, there is no pretense that i can stand your guts and you can stand mine when we don't, there is no need to hide the fact that i still think about you after all this time, there is no need to pretend that you don't matter to me anymore, there is no need to pretend that everything is fine, there is no need to smile when all i feel like doing is crying and feeling the tears flow down cheek and chin, there is no need to feel this way and pretend that i don't, there is no need to say we have to move on because we cannot remain in the past and that people change - i say screw that, i want all the luxury in the world to not move on, and let every emotion encompass me, there is no need to hide behind the veil of normalcy, there is no need to treat the past as just the past.

i wish life was like a mime, we can sit on the swings all day.

❤ enhui, 11:32 PM 6 comments