flowers in the attic

Thursday, June 14, 2007

It is almost surreal to look into the mirror and see a girl dressed in office wear looking older than she really is; attempting to act older than she really is, and coming to the realisation that she is doing what she wants, and (almost) on the way to becoming what she wants to be.

I have always believed in having dreams, well - aspirations to be precise. You dream of yourself being somewhere doing something, and you go out there and make (earn) your way towards that dream. That’s how the whole thing works - without ambition, without having a dream to work towards, what good is there to do?

I’ve known since secondary school what I wanna be doing when I’m 20 and now I’m doing what I’ve always known I want to do. Nothing beats the satisfaction you can derive from seeing yourself at the place you imagined yourself to be all those years back. And nothing is gonna beat that satisfaction of knowing that I’ll achieve what I want to achieve, doing something I have the passion and flair for.

Like Priscilla, I hate to say that hey life’s good and dandy for the fear of backlash not so much from the people around me but from the intangible forces around. Although sometimes I really cannot resist the urge but to go what a great day it has been! but what I do most of the time is a mental reflection and when I see that life’s going well I just utter a silent thanks in my heart.

And the only thing I probably ever know about this great grand thing called Life is that it works in funny ways and is seldom - make that never predictable. Sometimes it rains nonstop and you wonder when you get to see the sun again. Heard of this phrase though, Too much sun makes a desert. You still need some kind of rain – sorrow, pain, hurt, tragedy whatever, to nourish your life and grow a garden.

Too much goodness and happiness doesn’t mean much when you don’t know how to appreciate it. And I also learnt that after days of rain, it can only get better from there, statistical regression (for all you CS students out there, that’s 105 for you haha). Once you hit rock bottom, there’ no other way but up.

I’ve come to appreciate the good around me, and to be satisfied and contented with the things given to me and the things I cannot change; and at the same time work towards what I want.

Sometimes I reckon that if I had just put that bit more effort, I will do much better than I am right now; but at other times, I just want to appreciate the decisions and choices that I have made at that moment and not whine about it so much. Hey, if you’ve made the decision to slack abit more during your exam period, your results are gonna show that (unless you’re some genius) and that’s that, no use complaining or whining, you made that choice, live with it.

Rain or shine, life’s not up for us to decide or have complete control over. Best we can do is to make the best possible plans, and leave some room for unexpected events. And as I cruise through the highway of life, what I do and have always done, is to embrace both the good and the bad of life, because at the end of it all, they belong to me. The good and the bad of life – i'll take it and embrace it because they are me.

❤ enhui, 2:05 PM 3 comments