flowers in the attic

Sunday, October 18, 2009

as you grow older, you realize it's not so much about what you want anymore, but what you need to do.

four days ago just a day before i turned twentythree, all i wanted to do was stand there among the throngs of people and cry, the reality of it all sinking deeper with each passing second: my handphone and ipod nano - gone, just like that, pickpocketed right out from behind me in a blink of an eye.

it was not so much the monetary value (seriously, the most my handphone can fetch would probably be about 50 bucks) but the sentimentality, plus the ipod nano was a birthday present from the boy exactly a year ago. i was afraid - afraid at what the boyfriend's reaction would be when he finds out. i know he wouldn't be angry, but i didn't want him to go through the disappointment and sadness that i know would be inevitable.

and each passing morning that i woke up it was as if i was hit by a train over and over again; the enormity of the loss and grief hitting me repeatedly afresh every morning, though lesser in magnitude each day but still there. it sucks to have to deal with loss, especially when you didn't even see it coming. i shudder to imagine how it would be like if it was a living person whom i have lost and not some electronic gadgets.

because of this, this year's birthday seemed to have lost some of that sparkle. in the first place i didn't even place much emphasis on my birthday 'cos of the busy-ness of FYP and school assignments but this really knocked the winds out of whatever was left of my birthday.

but well i figured, you gain some you lose some. The Lord gives and takes away. maybe i should be a tad more cynical and learn that there are people who will do such things. and to pull my belongings close to me whenever i go. (and to imagine that this didn't even happen at jb but right in my hometown tampines!)

in any case, i still celebrated my birthday with family and friends (crab feasts and steamboats!) and another day ahead tomorrow with the boy :) i am so going to get fat(ter).

thank you for coming down that night when i was at my lowest :)

and everyone, please take good care of your belongings!

❤ enhui, 3:05 AM 3 comments