flowers in the attic

Friday, October 22, 2010

i've always strived to be true to myself and to my feelings and i've always found it difficult to conceal what i'm feeling. i've always felt that, at the end of the day, being open and honest in relationships outweighs everything else and it would definitely lead to improvements of some sort.

in my formative adolescent years i chanced upon a quote that has been subconsciously in the back of my mind since - "true friendship is never serene". from then on i have spoken out whenever there was something bothering me because i knew that if i didn't, the bad feelings would fester and grow into something much worst next time. and speaking out in a constructive manner would only provide room for improvement and to grow.

but recent events have made me question this unwavering conviction. perhaps there were other factors i didn't take into consideration? perhaps people might get hurt by what i say, and maybe it's better to maintain status quo for the peace and good of everyone? and perhaps this fortrightness and frankness have cost me some dear friendships more than i would care to admit?

would it be better if i just swallowed whatever i was feeling, keep mum and pretend that everything's ok, maintain status quo for the good of everyone? or is it still better to speak out despite of? maybe i've really been selfish all these while, speaking out as and when i did not like something and in doing so failing to take into account others' feelings.

if it is to constructively criticize someone dear to me, and if i don't speak out something drastic and bad will happen to him/ her, then yes i guess the answer is clear, it is necessary to speak out. but what if it's not so clear cut as this? what if it's grievances and hurt feelings or annoyance and dislike about something... something that the person has or has not done, but the only person affected is me, should i still voice it out against all odds? or should i just let go?

i've always wished that i could be the kind of person who can 拿得起，放得下，and 看得开。it would make life so much easier for me and for those around me. but sadly i can't, i'm too emotional (a friend once said that this is my greatest flaw; if i could get over this i would succeed well in life lol). i guess i need to work on this right about now.

❤ enhui, 4:19 AM 0 comments